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Manchester’s got everything; just two things let it down,
We haven’t got a beach a point made by Ian Brown,
But even if we did have one, few cities are wetter,
So here’s what I would propose to make Manchester better.

Firstly dig The Pennines up; they’re blamed for our bad weather,
Chop them down, they pop our clouds, and then it won’t rain ever,
Next let’s pop to Liverpool and I say this with a wink,
Because legend says the Liverbirds can make their city sink.

So set them free and watch them fly and watch the waters reach,
Warrington and Saint Helen’s giving Manchester a beach,
We could build ourselves a promenade and a Golden mile to boast,
And new nightlife would soon spring up on our manufactured coast.

But if we had a beach to bathe and it rarely ever rained,
It wouldn’t just be our life styles but our attitudes that changed.
We’d all wag work so we could take advantage of our beach,
We’d lose the swagger from our walks and greatness from our reach.

We’d lose the creativity that makes our city great,
And the talented amongst us all would all just go to waste,
We’d be too busy basking in the utopia we’d made,
We’d be too lazy sunbathing to bother getting paid,

Just like a Spanish stereotype we’d always put things off,
Tomorrow’s good, today I’m spent, at hard work we would scoff,
And if we lost our downpour too, our parks would lose their green,
The price of water would go up, as the reservoirs fall lean.

So even though we moan and curse and begrudge our city’s weather,
I’m still not sure whether beaches would be better altogether,
So I’m not sure that we should change dynamics near and far,
Let’s leave The Pool and hills alone; we’re better like we are.

Copyright©2011 by Phil Martin

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